If I Died Today…

I have a fear of living a life that had so much potential but I didn’t push the limits. If I died today, I would feel like I wasted an opportunity to live.

By nature, the life I lead is pretty boring. I go to work (which is getting boring), I come home, I surf the internet, I eat, shower, sleep. Repeat. It’s pretty routine. If you’ve read my post about expectations vs. reality, you’d know that I only daydream of living a consistently exciting life. In my imagination, I live a life that is fun, exciting, and fulfilling. I always imagine myself as this or that instead of making it a reality. I can’t pinpoint what holds me back but I don’t want it to anymore.  I wish I could do more, I want to do more.

I was having a conversation with Boo recently and I remember telling him that I don’t feel like I’m living. I feel like life started late for me, and while that’s not a problem per se, I’m ready to do. I am ready to be great or at least feel like I’m on the way. Sure, I understand that not everyone blooms in their twenties but I’m getting impatient. I try to remind myself regularly that my time will come, but often I feel stuck. Bored. Stagnant.

In an effort to make this year different from the others, I decided to actively work towards my goals and wishes. Duh, right? Nothing will happen if you don’t set it up to. All my life I’ve been too broke, too young or too occupied with school to do the things that I’ve day-dreamed of. Now that I am graduate, working full time, and am of age, I feel like it’s time to get this life of mine started. Where’s the fun? I want to live a life that I can look back and say, “man, that was fun, fulfilling and I have no regrets.” I want to be able to try all the things I’ve wanted to try, visit the pretty beaches I’ve Google image, try some of the foods I’ve seen on the Travel channel, meet people who are inspiring and fun to be around. Inspire people. I want to live. I want to be super well rounded. I want to be able to speak a third or fourth language, say things like, “I’ve done that” or “I’ve vacationed there before”. The part that freaks me out is that I feel like I’m running out of time.

Being in a serious relationship for four years, the conversation of a kid is coming up more and more often. There’s so many things I want to do before procreating that I’m having a mini panic. But that’s another topic for another day…

Thanks for stopping by. Let’s continue the conversation in the comments section below. I know this was a rant, but in an effort to be more transparent, I wanted to share.



3 thoughts on “If I Died Today…

  1. “Rome wasn’t build in a day.” There are different stages of building and you are still in the early stages of building your life. Take it from me, your turn will come. I once was there and sometimes I find myself back there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are things that I want to do as well and I feel like I should be doing more than I’m doing now. But all things will work out in the end. I have to stay positive and know that what I’m doing right now is enough and I’m paving the way for my future and all the things that I want.


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